Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Kerrzy's Notebook: Self-Promotion to Avoid Demotion

Most professional athletes rely on their on-field/on-ice/on-turf performance to garner interest at the end of a contract. Not English soccer player Michael Owen though, he relies on brochures...

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

In 2005 Newcastle United shelled out over $31-million (CAN) to buy the striker from Real Madrid, but since then, the one-time European Footballer of the Year has suffered a series of injuries that limited him to under 40 games in the three seasons after that.

Things have since turned around for the 29-year-old on the goal scoring front, but his team was relegated from the Premier League this season, his contract is up...and he wants back in!

So, the company representing Owen has put together a 34-page "brochure" highlighting the strengths of the former Liverpool striker and sent it to a select group of top-flight Premier League clubs.

First of all, if it's 34-pages long can you really call it a brochure? That's a book! Secondly, if you're that good, shouldn't the top-flight clubs have you on their radar already?

In addition to glossy photos and high praise, the document (yeah, I'm done calling it a brochure) apparently comes with a medical report and answers to frequently asked questions about Owen.

That's another part of this I find funny. What kind of FAQ's could that possibly include?

Q: Is Michael Owen sometimes late for practise?
A: On the contrary, Michael Owen is incredibly punctual!

Q: Is Michael Owen a radioactive robot, sent to earth to destroy mankind?
A: No, in fact Michael Owen is a healthy human being and professional footballer with a penchant for scoring goals.

Well Mike, I hope it works out for ya; in fact, I'm thinking I'll give it a shot when I make my next career move!

For some more laughs at the expense of athletes, check out how UCLA redshirt quarterback Chris Forcier announced that he is changing schools.

FACT: You might find it funny!

Let Kerrzy read it to you here:

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