So, why am I bothering you with this seemingly bland injury update on Real's $142-million summer purchase? Well, lets see - it involves Paris Hilton and a fricken sorcerer - is that good enough for ya?!
Back when Ronaldo initially got hurt, an "anonymous Spanish sorcerer" (who we now know is named Pepe) came out with claims that he'd been hired to place a curse on the Portuguese international, causing him to suffer an injury. Who would do such a thing? The sorcerer says he was hired by a woman who had been "deprived" by Ronaldo.
In a letter to a Spanish newspaper, the sorcerer wrote:
"I have nothing against this grand club. I am a professional and get paid very well for using my powers. I have been contracted so Cristiano Ronaldo suffers a serious injury. I can't promise that will be, but I can say he will be injured for more time than he plays."
If that isn't weird enough, it turns out Paris Hilton is the woman responsible for the curse. Then again, those following the story weren't too surprised by that, given the clues that Pepe the witch gave us: He said the jilted lover is a very wealthy non-European heiress from a well-known family.
So really, it should have been obvious!
In late October, Ms. Hilton fessed up to hiring "Pepe" - telling Life & Style magazine:
"I can't stand it when someone is mean," before taking a stab at Ronaldo by calling him a "wimp" and saying "I want a man anyway, not someone who runs about like a little girl."
According to Yahoo! Sports, Ronaldo got a sorcerer of his own, Fafa, to cast a spell to counteract Hilton's curse. Can you believe these people?
If you listen to celebrity-bashing bloggers around the internet, Cristiano Ronaldo should count his lucky starts that all he got from Paris Hilton is a sore ankle.
So let this be a lesson to you guys: if you ever meet Paris Hilton, be nice.