Friday, July 9, 2010

Kerrzy’s Notebook: What’s Eating Gilbert’s Grape?

As legions of Cleveland Cavaliers fans come to grips with the fact that their star player is moving on, the team’s owner seems to have gone downright crazy.

On Thursday night, Dan Gilbert posted an open letter to the fans trashing LeBron James…which I think is just a little bit really ridiculous (because nothing says I'm so totally mad right now like "Comic Sans MS").

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Here are some of the parts I found most interesting, with my thoughts in brackets (make sure you scroll down to the bottom though, there’s more craziness!):

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As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

(He was a free agent…it’s not like he just up and left!)

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

(Okay, the one-hour special was a little much...but as for the "self-promotional build-up" - I'm pretty sure LeBron James doesn't control the throngs of media that followed him around from closed-door meeting to closed-door meeting.)

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

(He was a free agent that accepted less money to join a stronger team...are you serious right now? Do you not understand the term "free agent"? I’m starting to think James got out of there at the right time!)

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

(Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...You better start looking for free agents – oh wait, Miami just took them all!)

I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

(Perhaps if your motivation had reached those levels anytime in the last seven years you wouldn't be in this position...)

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

(I don't get it...who died? When did Miami become heaven? Does God know?)

This shocking act of disloyalty from our homegrown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

(Seven years of service is hardly disloyal…and as for this “opposite lesson, what would that be? Don't put the issue of money aside and go for what will make you the happiest and give you the best chance to be successful...?)

"...this heartless and callous action"

(Current and future Cleveland Cavaliers, take note: Anything but extreme and undying loyalty to the cause is deemed both heartless and callous by your owner. What is this, North Korea? LeBron, how could you be so heartless?! I hope Dan Gilbert isn't sitting in the corner of his office singing Kanye West's 808's and Heartbreak...)

Until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma. Just watch.

(Why is the word "right" in quotations? He seems to do that a lot in this letter. What is that supposed to mean, anyway? Until he goes back in time, reverses his decision and bows to Dan Gilbert and his weird letter, he'll be cursed? I think Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade might have something to say about that...like a lot.)

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

(I think this is probably one of those things you write out of frustration, but shouldn’t send until the next day when you've calmed down. This whole thing makes Dan Gilbert look like a crazy person in my opinion. Have fun attracting high profile free agents after this nutty episode Dan…)

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That wasn’t all though…

Gilbert also took the time to speak to the media about what a rotten, horrible person LeBron James is.

“He has gotten a free pass. People have covered up for [James] for way too long. Tonight we saw who he really is…It’s not about him leaving, it’s the disrespect. It’s time for people to hold these athletes accountable for their actions. Is this the way you raise your children? I’ve been holding this all in for a long time.”

Gilbert went on to tell the Associated Press that James “quit” in the playoffs, saying Cleveland’s loss to Boston was “unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar.”

This guy is bonkers. Is this the way you raise your children? What does that have to do with anything, and is that a shot at LeBron’s mom? Watch yourself Dan!

Based on these statements, I really hope James and company absolutely destroy the Cavs the next time they meet – I’m talking like beat them into oblivion. What free agent in his right mind is going to want to go to a team with an owner like Dan Gilbert?

What do you make of all this?

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